I don't want to be a teacher.
I want to write. I want to study the Bible. I want to teach the Bible.
Sometimes, I have minor crises. What am I doing with my life? Why aren't I following my dreams? Is finishing my teaching degree a futile attempt to justify a sunk cost?
And people I deeply respect sometimes say very compelling things that tempt me to drop everything and go off into the great unknown.
I am not afraid to leave everything and go. Actually, I am desperate to.
But I'm still here by conscious, deliberate choice.
Reasons why I am still here:
- God is not confined to a vocation.
- I do not have any concrete plans for what I would do otherwise. Until I do, it is ok to finish what I started here.
- I prayed. A lot.
- I asked a lot of people for advice.
- I have free will. I am not a slave to "destiny".
- God does not make me play guessing games about my direction in life in order to test my faith.
- I can practice my writing/studying/teaching Bible skills while I do something that is less than what I dream of doing.
- I am learning many other useful skills in my placement.
- A certificate to teach Spanish and experience in an ethnically diverse urban environment is a powerful tool. It means that I can support myself just about anywhere on this continent or the one down south (PS That's South America, folks, not Mexico). I could qualify for jobs in education, translation, youth work, missions, childcare, group management, organization, urban relief, community development and a whole lot more.
- This is only one year. And God's timeline is longer than my timeline.
- Time spent in preparation is not wasted time.
- I figure this is good practice in patience, persistence, discipline, and trusting God. I am far more inclined to try and take everything into my own hands and make it work the way I want it to. The last time I did that, I left Bible school. Yeah. Look where that got me.
Sometimes, of course, I am really afraid that I am wrong in this. But that's when I remind myself that even if I decide that this whole teaching thing was, in the end, a waste of time, God is good and gives me grace anyway.
Do you agree or disagree? What is your method for figuring out what you are doing with your life?
2 comentarios:
Hold on, Andrea. Wanna know the truth? If I had it all to do over again and I were just getting started again? I'd probably have done exactly what you are doing. There's nothing wrong with being a pastor-type. But the reality is that if you really love students and want to make a massive Kingdom impact, teaching at a school is an excellent way to do that.
Matter of fact? As cheesy as it sounds... we are all called to full-time ministry. there's nothing more nobile about "being a paid church gun" than being a person who loves their church, loves Jesus, and desires to represent Christ wherever.
Rock that teacher thing. Be the best teach you can.
Thanks for the encouragement! That's what I keep hoping is the case, that it is good in the long run. It's just that it gets discouraging when all you see in front of you is hard work and uncertainty, and you hear about others going off and doing something crazy and exciting...it's hard not to want the same, you know?
Post a Comment