"The one"

Usually I don't read relationship books. At least, I don't admit that I do. And definitely not ones about Christian marriage.

But you should read this book.

It is called Are You Waiting for the One? Don't gag, it's only a title. And don't judge it by the cover, either. It is written by a married couple, the Petersons, and this is their second marriage for both of them, because of death and divorce. Yeah, I know, what does a divorced person know about lasting relationships? Quite a lot, it seems.

And it doesn't matter if you are single, dating or engaged. As a matter of fact, you should read it if you are single or just dating - you will feel validated and empowered, and not as though you are missing half of yourself. Ah hem.

Some of their great points are:

• Marriage is a practical choice that can be made for many practical reasons, including not wanting to be alone, wanting to start a family, stability, and just really liking the person you are with. Reasons not listed are finding your soul mate or fulfilling your masculinity or femininity. Somehow, realizing this makes the choice to marry somebody or not considerably less intimidating.
• They fearlessly address the false dichotomy about sex that exist in Christian culture - that sex before marriage is bad bad really bad you ruined everything and you can't have it back, but somehow, magically, sex after marriage is always awesome.
• They also propose one of the most interesting arguments I have found for egalitarianism. They say that marriage - like any friendship - is built on sacrifice, patience, and cooperation, and that assigning final decision-making rights to one person over another is the lazy way out.
• A discussion of the "Guess How I'm Feeling" game, and the "Waiting for the Other Person to Initiate" game, and how emotional games have no place in healthy relationships was probably the most convicting part for me to read.
• They explain how sex equals babies, and how we can make peace with that.
• and more!

There are a lot of confusing ideas in the world about relationships and what makes them work. Some of it is easy to dismiss as ridiculous, but some of it is harder to figure out. I thought that the Peterson's ideas were practical, helpful, and biblical.

What is some of the best advice you have heard for building good relationships? What is some of the worst?