Mornings are not for talking

Dear Non-Morning People of the World:

I know you hate being awake early. I know that you believe that smiling and chattering as soon as you wake up is what it means to be a "morning person" and that you are trying to play along. And, holy smokes, I know that you think that playing music is going to help improve everyone's mood. You have good intentions, but you sadly mistaken.

Let me help you. Mornings are not for talking. They are for thinking, writing, reading, and being quiet. They are for drinking tea and reading the newspaper.

In the name of all that is good, please! Do not talk to me in the morning.

Also, you don't need to offer to make me breakfast. I make it myself every other day when you are not there, and I don't need your help today. Big breakfasts are for people who are miserable to be awake and are trying to make it better. I am not miserable. You are. Keep your big breakfast to yourself.

Finally, mornings are for routines. Please do not try to make my morning more interesting by messing up my routine. Do not ask me to think about things that I am not yet ready to think about. Do not ask me to make decisions about the day. Though it does not reflect well on my own character, it is probably better not to ask me to do anything yet, or else you may receive what you might consider a very "non-morning person" response. 

If you do this for me, I will do my best to occasionally stay awake past 10 to hang out with you.

Much love,

Morning Andrea